Conflict is normal in a relationship. Moreover, how you handle it determines whether it strengthens or damages your bond. What some people do or say in their marriage has destroyed it, rather than finding a way to resolve it. Therefore, these 10 things couples should never do during conflict are highly recommended for a lasting relationship.
Here are key things couples should never do during conflict:
1. Don’t insult or call names
Words like:
- “You’re stupid.”
- “You always mess up.”
cut deep and leave lasting damage. Respect should never be lost, even in anger.
2. Don’t bring up past mistakes
Avoid:
- “You did this last year…”
- “You always do this…”
Stay focused on the current issue, not a list of past wrongs.
3. Don’t shut down or give the silent treatment
Ignoring your partner creates:
- frustration
- emotional distance
Taking a short break is okay, but complete withdrawal hurts the connection.
4. Don’t try to “win.”
Conflict is not a competition.
If one person wins, the relationship loses. Focus on:
- understanding
- solving the problem together
5. Don’t threaten the relationship
Avoid saying things like:
- “Maybe we should break up.”
- “I’m done with this marriage.”
These words create insecurity and fear.
6. Don’t raise your voice or become aggressive
Yelling or aggressive behavior:
- escalates the situation
- blocks healthy communication
Calm communication leads to better solutions.
7. Don’t involve outsiders unnecessarily
Bringing in:
- friends
- family
can:
- create bias
- break trust
Handle issues privately when possible without a third party.
8. Don’t assume intentions
Avoid jumping to conclusions like:
- “You did that on purpose.”
Ask for clarity instead of assuming the worst.
9. Don’t dismiss feelings
Saying:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
invalidates your partner’s emotions.
10. Don’t walk away without resolution
Leaving issues unresolved can build:
- resentment
- emotional distance
Even if you pause, come back and finish the conversation.
A healthy reminder
The goal of conflict is not to hurt each other. However, it’s important to understand each other better.
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